There's a great line in Postcards From The Edge:
"You have a realization and your life changes a month or so later."
Wow - when I finally realized that, it took a lot of pressure off me. I thought I was supposed to "get" stuff immediately after I realized it. I mean all these movies, and stories talk about someone crying and wailing and finally realizing that this or that happened to them and that's why they act this or that way, and poof!!!! Instantly they are cured: they loose all that fat weight, grow beautiful overnight, and their bank account is instantly filled....isn't life supposed to be the same?
It's not?!!!
Well, in one word - NO! Movies and stories like this change the sequence of events to make for a better and more coherent story - even if they are "based on real life". After all if we read stories that had the same time sequence of life, we'd be still reading the book year after year - and the same is said of the movie - we'd be in the movie house next week still watching the thing.
The purpose here is to be on the gentle side with yourself for a while. Life is life and fiction/movies/novels are fiction and neither runs at the same speed.
Part of that gentleness lies in patience (and no I don't have a pill, but if you do, please send it on), and part of it lies in just realizing that simply because you are out there making the big fight for your dreams and wishes, you're winning the game - you're in the game! I know you don't know that now, but believe it and know it in your heart.
This is a great place to start. From knowing that because you're out there making the fight and not burying yourself in drugs, illicit or dysfunctional behavior, you're winning....now go one step further....you have already won....this gets you into that belief phase, which is so important.
But it will take time for all this to integrate. Integrate is one of those big psycho-babble words that has garnered a lot of miscellaneous meanings, which have confused what it really means. "Integrating a realization" means that you have a moment when you "get it"...."OMG, I finally realize why I act that way," or something like that. That's the realization part. Then about 1 to 3 months (or more or less) you start acting differently. That's the integration part.
Like - you figure out that your anger is misdirected. (Realization) One day, 6 weeks later, you aren't angry at the people you love, but at the people who are causing the anger. (Integration) Integration doesn't always mean action, but can be.
Sorry for all the psycho talk there, but I think this is the best way to explain what happens with time.
It takes a certain amount of living with the idea of something new, before it can become a part of your actions and daily decision-making.
That's time.
We all need that. I've been writing a lot lately, and I just want to hold off and let you digest all this. If you want, go back and read some of the other posts. I want to give you some time to integrate any realizations, then I'll start up again with Lent - February 25th this year.
In the meantime, take your patience pills, take your be-nice-to-you pills, do some meditation, and enjoy what all you have learned.
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